i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
