no you cant smoke seaweed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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