Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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