There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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