so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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