Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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