I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
