I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
ttyl tear gas
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
