two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
