stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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