Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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