someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
