Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
