OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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