I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
