Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woke up backwards on a recliner
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
