im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
