He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Im part way to drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
