My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
