Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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