I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
