so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
