yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
