we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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