McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
