I bet he comes in French.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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