ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
