id be glad to
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
