Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
tell me about the fingering
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