She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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