wat bout pragnant strippers??
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
