What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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