I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
