My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
