1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
