Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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