I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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