yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
