I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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