Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
