So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This is the high leading the old right now
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
