Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
