I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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