Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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