Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
