so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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