Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
