guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
