i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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