One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
