She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
