Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
