You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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