genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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