Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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