Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
