Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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