Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
