We need to rekindle our bromance
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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