exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
