You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
