so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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