We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
