So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
