Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
