I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize