My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
